semiserious

Well By One Metric, I Get Paid More Than a Gawker Media Blogger

A very very very rough estimate (i.e. it is basically impossible for me to figure it out for real) of what I’d be paid if I was paid by Gawker Media’s $5 cpm scheme for the last month: 53% of my actual paycheck.

If I was paid by their old $7.50 cpm scheme: 80% of my actual pay.

Fundie Christians: I don't think you can be both anti-Evolution and anti-Gay

So if you don’t believe in Evolution, then you believe in either Creationism or Intelligent Design. So basically, you think God sat down one day and drew up so blueprints of the human body, and that everything with in the body has its own divine purpose.

So, explain to me, if God hates Fags, why then did he design the prostate? HMMM?

The Problem with Blogging About Reality TV is that the People Are Actually Real

Writing about reality tv people is a lot more fun when you pretend their actually character. That’s what I do when reality TV cap recapping duties come up on the blog.

Twice before word has gotten back to me from the actual people. One of them loved it, the other still apparently shit talks me around time whenever he hears the words “New Times.”

Well today I’m at the gym and I walk down to this row of six elliptical machines and I realize a certain cast member from Miami Social is hanging out, girl talking with some lady on the only occupied elliptical. So whatever, I keep two machines between them. He ends up getting on one, just one machine away. No one ever talks to me on the gym anyway, but whatever I am paranoid he is going to be like “Hi, how are you? Where do you work?” or something.

I tried not to eavesdrop, but I had always assumed he was playing it up for the cameras on the show. But omg he is actually exactly like that in real life.

Anyway, I googled his name to how to spell it and what is the first thing that comes up? This page, of course.

Where I wrote things about him like this, “The gods of South Beach, mourning the loss of Fabian Basabe (remember him?) due to a sad case of irrelevance, decided the island needed a new, improved, self-obsessed, sexually ambiguous rich boy. The skies turned a troubling shade of gray, and the Atlantic Ocean convulsed and spat out a weird substance of hair gel, tanning oil, and self-satisfaction onto the sand, much like a regrettable amount of spooge on your stomach, but instead of wiping it up, it was allowed to crust over and form into the being we now call Ariel Stein.”

cross off things you've done in your life.

Graduated High School.
Kissed someone.
Smoked cigarettes.
Got so drunk you passed out. [Close but no cigar (drawn on my face in sharpie)]
Rode every ride at an amusement park. [These Florida parks are major]
Collected something really stupid.
Gone to a rock concert.
Helped someone.
Gone fishing.
Watched four movies in one night.
Gone long periods of time with out sleep.
Lied to someone.
Been dumped. [I sort of wish I had]
Snorted cocaine. [Yet I have live in Miami for five years]
Failed a class.
Smoked weed.
Dealt drugs.
Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid). [DARE brainwashed me]
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself.
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep. [Ugh I almost skipped past, and then I remembered :*(]
Spent over $200 in one day.
Flown on a plane.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on. [Where’s the option for knowingly slept with someone that was in a relationship? SORRY]
Written a 10 page letter.
Gone skiing. [Only snowboarding, and it was horrible]
Been sailing.
Cut yourself. [assuming this means “emo, & not “cub scout with his first pocket knife”]
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Shoplifted something.
Been to jail.
Had detention.
Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
Gone to a different country.
Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies. [yeah, that’s right]
Had an online diary.
Fired a gun. [I’m a gun owner, somehow]
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.
And a lemonade stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
Been in a school play. [Unless Odyssey of the Mind counts?}
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins. [Sharks, yes]
Gone to Sea World.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for American/Australian Idol. [with my penis, once.]
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have.
Wondered about your sexuality.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once. [when don’t I?]
Overdosed.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Suffered any form of abuse. [well, if they really mean any]
Had a hamster.
Petted a wild animal.
Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
Did “spirit day” at school.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A’s.
Been on the Honor Roll.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS. [We all probably do]
Taken pictures with a webcam.
Started a fire. [I’m assuming this is “cub scout with a flint,” and not “arson”]
Had a party while your parents weren’t home.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.