January 2012
95 posts
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ohhoe replied to your post: I wish I had a Miami accent
WELCOME TO MEEAMI
Fun fact: Miami used to be pronounced as “My-ah-muh.” There is proof in this video.
That’s still the cracker pronunciation.
I wish I had a Miami accent
not like a permanent one, but just one I could break out from time to time.
If you want to find a collection of the most Miami...
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Yesterday I was Propositioned by a hooker on...
Lady (as she's jaywalking across Biscayne with a friend): Hey
Me (with window open, stopped in traffic): *Oh god, I only have two cigarettes left. She probably wants a cigarette. I'm just gonna ignore her*
Lady: Hey, white boy! Don't ignore me!
Me: Uh, ....hi.
Lady: Put your number in my phone, we'll have some fun later tonight.
Me: Oh, uh, ummm, no thanks.
Lady: What's a matter? You don't like black girls?
Me: *Do I shout, "No, I just don't like girls" across Biscayne Blvd? Oh thank god, she's walking away. Ugh, but now everyone thinks I'm a racist.*
RIP Kyle's Sex Drive: Circa Puberty - 2011
Mario Lopez could walk in my door right now, or anytime recently or presumably for the near future, and say “A space wizard has put a spell on me, and if I don’t suck your dick right now I will literally die,” I’d just say, “Uh, do you have an address for your mom so I can send flowers?”
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Someone explain to me how Chloe Sevigny sucking dick in Brown Bunny was considered a scandal but Michael Fassbender licking ass and pissing in Shame was considered award worthy.
adogwalkingonitshindlegs asked: How are you?
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Porn Spoof Titles for This Year's Oscar Nominees
The Artits
The Rear-Endants
Extremely Hard and Incredibly Close
Two Girls, One Pie Tin
Huge-o
One Night in Paris
Moneyballs
The Double Ds of Life
War Whores
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I don't snuggle until the fifth date.
I mean, sure, other things can happen before that, but I’m not about to let just anybody get into my spoon.
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Finding out some acquaintance dude I've known for...
Him: Yeah, I used to skate down in Kendall a lot when I was a kid.
Me: Wait, you're from Miami?
Him: Yeah.
Me: I thought you were from Pittsburgh. I mean, I have literally never seen you not wearing that Pittsburgh Pirates hat.
Him: Oh, this hat? I bought it because I like the yellow p. (ed: hah)
Me: So you have no connection to Pittsburgh?
Him: No. Maybe I should get a new hat.
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Tired of all these random crushes, just need a guy...
You know, just one guy whose Facebook I troll. One guy who I have favorited on Grindr so I can see how far away he is at any given time. One guy who I internet stalk, and not just casually when I’m bored, but like intensely. One guy who I show up at events for in tank tops for in the vain hope that it seems like the kind of thing he would probably totally be at. One man who one day, if...
Tumblr could probably really profit from an...
you know, based on the amount of “forever alone” type posts I see on here.
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Being turned off by a dude because maybe he shares...
This started with my thinking “Hmm, why is it that beards do nothing for me at all, and yet seem to be such a ‘thing’ for many, many of my gay peers …oh my god, my dad has a beard!”
Anyway, a little bit of facial hair is not a total deal breaker, dudes with beards, don’t worry*. Plus they make really great razors now a days. So soft and comforting to the...
Kyle Munzenrieder of the Miami New Times wins... →
Honestly, I thought it was a little hacky myself.
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The time I went to Midbeach alone in a...
Perhaps a little more than a year ago. I don’t know what possessed me. Freedom? Body acceptance? A better tan? Curiosity? The fact that half the toursits in Miami wear less and no one seems to mind?
Mostly I had planned to be alone, so I figured, eh, why not?
It started when some young boy. Legal to fuck but probably not legal to drink came up out of the blue and started talking to me....
So, basically I want a boyfriend so I can...
I’ve never actually eaten at that Cracker Barrel, and I was thinking how great it would be to go there with someone and drop the murder story . But, like, everyone in Naples knows that story, so it would have to be someone I brought with me on a Naples visit. Which lead me to this horrible fantasy.
See, I’ll be driving over from Miami on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving with my...
The Naples Cracker Barrel Murders
Apparently there’s news of death and Cracker Barrel, which, inevitably, reminds me of the horrible murders back in 1995 at the Naples-area’s only Cracker Barrel:
Vicki Smith, Jason Wiggins, and Dorothy Siddle were employees at the Cracker Barrel Restaurant in Naples, Florida when they were killed on the morning of November 15, 1995, during the commission of a robbery. Police found...
Anonymous asked: What do you think of Rollins College?
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“All of the things that made Miami seem so un-American were actually what made it...”
– T.D. Allman in the Miami Herald, 2008.
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What I’m getting from my drunk mother’s txt mssges is that she’s sad I’ll probably never have a biological kid because I have the best genetic material out of the siblings.
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Madonna v. Gaga beef sounds boring, so how about...
“In 1989, Madonna was awarded the Artist of the Decade by MTV Networks in recognizing her achievement during the 1980s. It was reported that fellow pop star Michael Jackson had become jealous when Madonna received that honor. He telephoned his attorney John Braca to complain that Madonna did not deserve such an honor. He said, “See, it makes me look bad. I’m the artist of the...
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Leonardo da Vinci was the Renaissance equivelant...
“His clothing is described as being unusual in his choice of bright colours, and at a time when most mature men wore long garments, Leonardo’s preferred outfit was the short tunic and hose generally worn by younger men.”
I am just bad at links, my last post was not...
I meant to link to the actual Yellow Asian tumblr blog, and not some picture of someone on tumblr that I follow that I had in my copy/paste clipboard that I showed somone because of “cute.” OH GOD I AM NOT THAT KIND OF TUMBLR FIGHT PICKING BITCH SORRY I AM JUST DUMB
I dont want people to think I’m catty and mean like that. :(
“You may be cute, but you’re not Yellow Asian sexy” - Gay Tumblr insults.